About Me

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i moved where my heart had drifted off to long before. i live on a hill of hundred acres, where my dreams have merged with the view. it is quiet from machine noises yet loud with sounds of horses, dogs, cats chickens and ducks. nature is the true artist in resident and i am just her apprentice who often gets lost in her gaze. once and a while i travel back to cities and foreign places to put into photographs what i have learned, yet always, part of my heart is left on the hill..

Friday, November 9, 2007

one in or is it (of) a billion (Intervention)

unbearable school girl tears fall apon me-

This weekend I will be going home
to visit my sister and her new
love. I am extremely happy for her
and she truly deserves it, but I must confess
to you I am scared of many things and having
doubts about my departure.

I believe that seeing them together, will make me
smile more than make me sad, I think it will feel
like a family, but that is what frightens me- will
he sit me done for an intervention like some sunday night movie
(like a brother)- letting me know
that the man I call love, is not a love at all-
I already having trouble breathing just thinking of the conversation
how i would like to argue back, but I won't, and I will see any traces
of pride that I desperately tried to hold on too disappear and I will melt and my heart will make it's
final break.

Please do not get me wrong I know I live in the land
of make believe where the man who loves me more than
anyone-who thinks I am made from his imagination, that
he would have loved me at any age, is the same man who
I have never done so many things- a man who erases me
at night and weekends- he will say things like I thought about
you the whole time..and don't go to mongolia without me- and we
will go on lots of drives and walks-and- and

so you see I am aware of the my make believe, but it is going to hurt
like hell to hear out loud how he is just for pretend and I know
I will not be able to argue, because they will all be right about my make
believe man...........I can't even breathe. and I think this post has just wiped out
any traces of pride................

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