About Me

My photo
i moved where my heart had drifted off to long before. i live on a hill of hundred acres, where my dreams have merged with the view. it is quiet from machine noises yet loud with sounds of horses, dogs, cats chickens and ducks. nature is the true artist in resident and i am just her apprentice who often gets lost in her gaze. once and a while i travel back to cities and foreign places to put into photographs what i have learned, yet always, part of my heart is left on the hill..

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

This is me and I am made of wool

This morning I woke up and found myself dancing in the living
Room, witch was odd, not the dancing I love dancing and do it randomly around my house, but the fact I was doing it even though I was filled with
Sadness. I did not give much thought till
This evening when water filled my eyes so quickly. I started to think about things…

All my life pretty much I have done everything I could to live the truth
Even if that meant not agreeing or hurting the people around me don’ get me wrong I think I did a pretty good job not intentionally hurting or causing pain to others. I think
What has been the toughest thing for me the last year and half love is in the difference of our childhoods and backgrounds. in my life I was a witness to lies and the consequences that came from them, my parents chose to live life in a lie not that they told a lies necessary, but that they chose not to live the truth
And in doing so they sacrificed a lot, hurt themselves and the people around them…and finally when they could bare it no longer they decided to live truer existence they chose to live life. I was there and there lies effected me and when I saw the freedom that came with living a truer life I truly saw how much they sacrificed
And now I know how they wished they could have done it sooner,because some things passed them by.

My love, it is the lie that has started to decay the lining of my heart,
Nothing is wrong with our truth, nothing. I am surrounded with you, him and her who choose to live in the lie, denying the truth because they think the truth would bring them more pain, but it wont I know, I truly know……

Whether we are together or not, it is you living a lie that I can not bare. to love you is to want you to live the truest life possible, that is our right, I heard said today, and before that by Thoreau give me experiences, family, success even love but without truth I can not live, I know this love, I know this …….
No one judges a man who wants to live a true life but he will forever judge himself for living an untrue one…………………….

So I think I danced in my living room this morning because I realized that I truely loved you enough to let you
go, we always laughed at cliche but I finaly understood this one............

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Forget what they say

A few weeks ago I heard a dying man say the following
to his baby daughter

Forget everything a man says to you, every single thing
for get what he says, what he tells you, what he promises

Just look at what he does -

Monday, October 29, 2007

when a lion is coward

there should be no second of comfort when lying

Laura Marling - My Manic And I

I happen to stumble

Sunday, October 28, 2007

When things are too grand

I have as I usually do
on the weekend, gone
thru all four seasons

You call them revelations don't you

well I had one

it was me wanting to share
my life - without waste

I will stand

on my own two feet..I always have
i just had forgotten how beautifuly
difficult that could be

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


Sometimes in baseball
a player comes into a team
with such promise, you believe
in him and what he can do, you hear
all about it everywhere(he even tells you himself and you believe), in what he can do
how great he can bat.....but after awhile
after numerous(numerous) times at bat without one hit
out of the park you stop believing and realize it is all
fiction not ment to be and a little bit after that
you start to think how much he has cost

you can call me fickle
but I believed for a very long time

when A lion roars

goodmorning miss - wanted to say hello and how are you and good day to you -

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

castle in the sky

I will find this place
and one day after I have settled in
perhaps a wednesday I will
wait by the mailbox
for a book you have
written, love.....

I will tare the package open and start
reading right there in the middle of my nowhere
and when I am done, i will whisper
to you all that you made me feel
and finally when my eyes and head
become tired my heart will daydream
about providence and the love, love
we swam in.....


because it is difficult
and for the words. that where said last night

Monday, October 22, 2007

are you home


i need you here
the nightime sky
falls upon me
and I have trouble
seeing you

will you come and play
a song for me, love

will you let me lay
my head on your lap
as we listen to the sounds
from the moon lit tree...

les yeux de lundi

your eyes that are filled with rain

will warn me of heartbreak

you will leave love

and the light will leave
the day time sky....

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Friday, October 19, 2007

The environment

October 15th was international
Blog for the environment day

I missed it..

The photograph is of a vignette
I did for a garden show
a good friend and his
gifted mind, made it
more powerful

the environment made it

Thursday, October 18, 2007

I remember mornings
when I would wake up
excited, the kind of excitement
that would have me saying things
like "good-morning bird, good-morning
flowers good-morning bees, good-morning
blue sky..."

I miss the feeling, I wonder if
I would feel like that every-morning for
15 years of waking up next to you......


I was up all night


I think I have been waiting
since the age of five

I was thinking
about many things
and those things kept me up


sometimes I think I lived too long
or maybe I just stand still longer
than I should ...

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

a path that leads to a place
place that leads to a path
a place a path a place a
path a place a path
a place

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

imaginary best friend

perhaps in your fantasy it was not my birthday

perhaps in your fantasy you get to choose when

when you are someone's fantasy "come true" you do not
have the right to feel or want or celebrate
only wives have the right to......

Sunday, October 14, 2007

driving for a cup of salvation

i have been on the road since friday

Friday's rain.....................
landing on the a rock of some shore
i found the perfect spot for a
very special possession....

Saturday's sunshine
Walking underneath a beautiful
sky among the orange, yellow trees,
taking photograph after photograph
feeling good, no i felt great which sent
an alert to the happiness attackers
and they got me, they got me good
drove thru every emotion that
morning every one, my friend

now the afternoon driving
on route 1(coastal)but no sight of
the ocean....what is scenic to me is
not to others....driving quickly not stopping
in hopes to find a place I came across
a few years ago, a simple cafe with breads you can
smell before you even open the door.....will the door
be open or will it be one other thing...to think about

it is open and I sit there with my mocha
and a feeling like something understands
my needs and eager to please....

can a cup of mocha save your spirit
today it has...............

Thursday, October 11, 2007


I layed on the wood floor
and felt the heat change
the color of my skin


the light caught
me by surprise

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

In the dark I learn

the following things
that I have nothing to be scared off
that I can still see clearly, really
that what I dream about with my eyes closed
I can also live with my eyes open
that I like being awake when everyone is asleep
and that everyone is sleeping when they think they are awake

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

PSYOP MTV HD Raven Video

to those who know me and to those who do not understand me.....
if I was a bird

Monday, October 8, 2007


un journée de pluie
pas de soleil pas de repos
rien dans moi est tranquille

je regarde autour de moi
mes yeux ne voie rien,
c'est mon coeur
qui se ferme.....

pas de magie ou des
miracles...mes des mots
qui se promène devant
moi comme des feuilles
qui dansent dans le ciel

un jour moi une feuilles
et toi le ciel.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Falling in October

It is the fall and October (heaven)
I am going on a driving holiday
NY, Maine, Vermont and Quebec City

In my travels, I will revisit last year of
memories, of you, him and I...

I am going to sort things
out till I find the place
called clarity

I will do it one step

Thursday, October 4, 2007


I arrived home at 7 p.m.
dog waiting outside

I had work to do, so
I took off my clothes, and put
on a white t-shirt, yoga pants
and a french linen apron

I turned on the tap at the kitchen sink,
luke warm to hot, first a red bowl
then a glass, and another, three forks
a spoon and a knife later, i turned
off the tap and took my sponge and wiped
the sink, the counters, light fixtures
and appliances, fridge , stove and so on

I lifted all the chairs off the floor
swept the kitchen, bathroom, dining and living
room and the vestibule

I turned the tap on again and filled the sink with geranium scented
soap, i took a mop out and started, living, dining, kitchen,and bathroom
and yes the vestibule...

then it hit me suddenly,

I stood still, l tried not to move blink or breathe,
as if somehow I could take it all back.......

would Jacob notice that I had just wiped the last traces of porter..

I tried not breathe, but I did
and it hurt....

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

the kindness of strangers

I have always believed in the
in the magical power that comes
from the kindness of strangers
not to mention the timing ...

thank you....

Monday, October 1, 2007

i am tired my love, it is as simple as that
I am no longer sure of what we are doing
and I no longer know if my heart can understand
fact from fiction, love from lust.

Faith is what I had but something I no longer posses.

I have said I love you when you feared I had stopped
I have listened to the beautiful things you have said
and have gotten lost, deeply lost my love

but now each and every-morning
that I wake, I realize I reside on the
other side of where you live

and each and every day as my eyes stare
into the darkness of the evening sky
i ask you who am i.