saturday road. - I am going on an adventure, the open road. A small one, just a day really but life can change in a minute so image a whole day full of minutes…..
- i moved where my heart had drifted off to long before. i live on a hill of hundred acres, where my dreams have merged with the view. it is quiet from machine noises yet loud with sounds of horses, dogs, cats chickens and ducks. nature is the true artist in resident and i am just her apprentice who often gets lost in her gaze. once and a while i travel back to cities and foreign places to put into photographs what i have learned, yet always, part of my heart is left on the hill..
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
This morning I woke up and found myself dancing in the living
Room, witch was odd, not the dancing I love dancing and do it randomly around my house, but the fact I was doing it even though I was filled with
Sadness. I did not give much thought till
This evening when water filled my eyes so quickly. I started to think about things…
All my life pretty much I have done everything I could to live the truth
Even if that meant not agreeing or hurting the people around me don’ get me wrong I think I did a pretty good job not intentionally hurting or causing pain to others. I think
What has been the toughest thing for me the last year and half love is in the difference of our childhoods and backgrounds. in my life I was a witness to lies and the consequences that came from them, my parents chose to live life in a lie not that they told a lies necessary, but that they chose not to live the truth
And in doing so they sacrificed a lot, hurt themselves and the people around them…and finally when they could bare it no longer they decided to live truer existence they chose to live life. I was there and there lies effected me and when I saw the freedom that came with living a truer life I truly saw how much they sacrificed
And now I know how they wished they could have done it sooner,because some things passed them by.
My love, it is the lie that has started to decay the lining of my heart,
Nothing is wrong with our truth, nothing. I am surrounded with you, him and her who choose to live in the lie, denying the truth because they think the truth would bring them more pain, but it wont I know, I truly know……
Whether we are together or not, it is you living a lie that I can not bare. to love you is to want you to live the truest life possible, that is our right, I heard said today, and before that by Thoreau give me experiences, family, success even love but without truth I can not live, I know this love, I know this …….
No one judges a man who wants to live a true life but he will forever judge himself for living an untrue one…………………….
So I think I danced in my living room this morning because I realized that I truely loved you enough to let you
go, we always laughed at cliche but I finaly understood this one............
Posted by onesilentwinter at 12:11 AM
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Sometimes in baseball
a player comes into a team
with such promise, you believe
in him and what he can do, you hear
all about it everywhere(he even tells you himself and you believe), in what he can do
how great he can bat.....but after awhile
after numerous(numerous) times at bat without one hit
out of the park you stop believing and realize it is all
fiction not ment to be and a little bit after that
you start to think how much he has cost
you can call me fickle
but I believed for a very long time
Posted by onesilentwinter at 11:04 AM
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I will find this place
and one day after I have settled in
perhaps a wednesday I will
wait by the mailbox
for a book you have
I will tare the package open and start
reading right there in the middle of my nowhere
and when I am done, i will whisper
to you all that you made me feel
and finally when my eyes and head
become tired my heart will daydream
about providence and the love, love
we swam in.....
Posted by onesilentwinter at 11:42 PM
Monday, October 22, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
I remember mornings
when I would wake up
excited, the kind of excitement
that would have me saying things
like "good-morning bird, good-morning
flowers good-morning bees, good-morning
I miss the feeling, I wonder if
I would feel like that every-morning for
15 years of waking up next to you......
Posted by onesilentwinter at 11:49 PM
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
i have been on the road since friday
landing on the a rock of some shore
i found the perfect spot for a
very special possession....
Walking underneath a beautiful
sky among the orange, yellow trees,
taking photograph after photograph
feeling good, no i felt great which sent
an alert to the happiness attackers
and they got me, they got me good
drove thru every emotion that
morning every one, my friend
now the afternoon driving
on route 1(coastal)but no sight of
the ocean....what is scenic to me is
not to others....driving quickly not stopping
in hopes to find a place I came across
a few years ago, a simple cafe with breads you can
smell before you even open the door.....will the door
be open or will it be one other thing...to think about
it is open and I sit there with my mocha
and a feeling like something understands
my needs and eager to please....
can a cup of mocha save your spirit
today it has...............
Posted by onesilentwinter at 9:12 AM
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
the following things
that I have nothing to be scared off
that I can still see clearly, really
that what I dream about with my eyes closed
I can also live with my eyes open
that I like being awake when everyone is asleep
and that everyone is sleeping when they think they are awake
Posted by onesilentwinter at 11:04 PM
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
un journée de pluie
pas de soleil pas de repos
rien dans moi est tranquille
je regarde autour de moi
mes yeux ne voie rien,
c'est mon coeur
qui se ferme.....
pas de magie ou des
miracles...mes des mots
qui se promène devant
moi comme des feuilles
qui dansent dans le ciel
un jour moi une feuilles
et toi le ciel.
Posted by onesilentwinter at 11:26 PM
Friday, October 5, 2007
It is the fall and October (heaven)
I am going on a driving holiday
NY, Maine, Vermont and Quebec City
In my travels, I will revisit last year of
memories, of you, him and I...
I am going to sort things
out till I find the place
I will do it one step
Posted by onesilentwinter at 12:59 PM
Thursday, October 4, 2007
I arrived home at 7 p.m.
dog waiting outside
I had work to do, so
I took off my clothes, and put
on a white t-shirt, yoga pants
and a french linen apron
I turned on the tap at the kitchen sink,
luke warm to hot, first a red bowl
then a glass, and another, three forks
a spoon and a knife later, i turned
off the tap and took my sponge and wiped
the sink, the counters, light fixtures
and appliances, fridge , stove and so on
I lifted all the chairs off the floor
swept the kitchen, bathroom, dining and living
room and the vestibule
I turned the tap on again and filled the sink with geranium scented
soap, i took a mop out and started, living, dining, kitchen,and bathroom
and yes the vestibule...
then it hit me suddenly,
I stood still, l tried not to move blink or breathe,
as if somehow I could take it all back.......
would Jacob notice that I had just wiped the last traces of porter..
I tried not breathe, but I did
and it hurt....
Posted by onesilentwinter at 8:15 PM
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Monday, October 1, 2007
i am tired my love, it is as simple as that
I am no longer sure of what we are doing
and I no longer know if my heart can understand
fact from fiction, love from lust.
Faith is what I had but something I no longer posses.
I have said I love you when you feared I had stopped
I have listened to the beautiful things you have said
and have gotten lost, deeply lost my love
but now each and every-morning
that I wake, I realize I reside on the
other side of where you live
and each and every day as my eyes stare
into the darkness of the evening sky
i ask you who am i.
Posted by onesilentwinter at 9:30 PM