About Me

My photo
i moved where my heart had drifted off to long before. i live on a hill of hundred acres, where my dreams have merged with the view. it is quiet from machine noises yet loud with sounds of horses, dogs, cats chickens and ducks. nature is the true artist in resident and i am just her apprentice who often gets lost in her gaze. once and a while i travel back to cities and foreign places to put into photographs what i have learned, yet always, part of my heart is left on the hill..

Saturday, May 31, 2008

I fell asleep in the hammock till the rain came

I am not a sleeper, it is something that has been difficult for me since childhood. Last night a half dozen people told me about the rain  that was coming on Saturday "it is going to rain all day". As I opened the door early this morning there was no rain waiting on the other side i whispered" sophie no rain yet"I spent the morning getting away from the rain -hard to describe what i mean perhaps taking advantage ....but at some point I lay in the hammock, swinging back and forth under the cloudy sky.  It did rain I know this because an answer to a wish, I had fallen  asleep in the hammock, till the rain drops gently came down and woke me up, only a few drops just for a minute. When I woke i realized that I had been dreaming about peace, world peace.

I started to think about my dream, although the details of the dream itself is unclear to me at this time.  the feelings have lingered creating many more questions. One question i have is-what does peace cost? now please don't mistake the question for what has been the cost of peace? okay what I mean is can we buy it or fund it? is their enough people that want it and if their is, which i believe their is, why can't we create it like a space station or find it like a cure. What happens if peace can be achieved by finding a cure for people who don't want it? what if we funded a team of "specialists" to create peace -how long would it take? You see I am having trouble understanding how come we don't want it bad  enough, but more trouble understanding why genetically we can't discover the gene that doesn't?-for me to think of anything genetically- you know the wheels are turning.
Yesterday I decided to take a walk. I walk
often sometimes several times a day, it was just beyond
dusk. I love walking around the blvd, among the giant
house and pedicured lawns, but it is historic so it does not seem as bad
as it sounds.(many are clients), but this evening I thought it was best
to walk elsewhere. after walking for at least an hour and a half I found
myself at water fire. Water fire is an event that providence does well,
fire on the canal, with Gondolas, beautiful haunting music, jazz stages,
food vendors and so on., happens at least a dozen times in the summer
into fall.I will take photographs next time. Anyways I stopped at the Jazz stage for a while listened- I am a sucker for the Cello and base. Then I walked some more and spotted a band, folk Israel band playing(although I did not know that at the time) about 8 men where dancing, what I believed to be Greek style arm in arm round and round dancing as the music played faster, before I knew it I was pulled into this circle yes me and 8 men who knew what they where doing and a girl who had no idea what was  about to happen. We dance like this in this large circle spinning so quickly that I am sure many times my feet did not even touch the ground, I was dizzy for sure, and I had not eaten in very long while and was living on too many espresso that day. I want to tell you that the experience and the timing was absolutely delightful and necessary ...my legs felt like jello for the rest of my walk- but i came out of this spinning motion leaving a lot of what had been troubling me behind. The reason I chose to write this experience down, was in case I forget it- you might say how is that possible, but recently I have realized that I and others are quickly able to for get happy moments and find the more difficult ones the ones harder to forget.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Letting go, of course is a scary enterprise for those of us who believe that the world revolves only because it has a handle on the top of it which we personally turn, and that if we were to drop this handle for even a moment, well-that would be the end of the universe. But try dropping it. This is the message I am getting. Sit quietly for now and cease your relentless participation. watch what happens. the birds do not crash dead out the sky in mid-flight, after all. the trees do not wither and die, the rivers do not run red blood. Life continues to go on. Even the Italian post office will keep limping along. doing its own thing without you-why are you so sure that micromanagement of every moment in this whole world is so essential?why don't you let it be?

i hear this argument and it appeals to me. I believe in it, intellectually. I really do, But I wonder- with all my restless yearning, with all my hyped-up fervor and with stupidly hunger nature of mine- what should i do with my energy, instead?

each morning i type the word happiness
on my screen.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

I think the saddest thing of all is
when people fail at trying

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I like sharing watermelon
i like the color of aqua & lavender together
I like muscle aches after a good hike
I like a simple flower by the sink
I like a good conversation about color
i like being inspired by strangers even more by friends
I like a brisk walk on the blvd
followed by a popsicle

I don't like a my messy bedroom
i don't like a smelly dog
i don't like sitting at a pretentious cafe while he reads the paper
i don't like looking pretentious
I don't like talking about animals as food
I don't like passive aggressive people

Thursday, May 22, 2008

conversation with my reflection

me hi
r. hi
me. well what do you think
me: a few extra lines
r. more than a few
me. thanks
r. so what now?
me. i'm not sure
r. it has been rough
me. ya, but i'm okay
r. i know
r. at least your smiling
me. yes
r. it's not bad,
me. thanks.

5 am

This morning at 5 am my door bell rang
i stood in my living room and yes I was nervous
was their to be bad news on the other side of that door?
opened the door two shabby looking men and a beat up truck
on the other side," we have a delivery" hmm?

5 am that is my time, my time for privacy, my time for silence
unless I want it to be different, my time for peace and tranquility..
I thought my five am was sacred, i thought it belonged to me.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Every morning, when we wake up, we have twenty-four brand-new hours to live.
What a precious gift! We have the capacity to live in a way that these twenty-four hours will bring peace, joy, and happiness to ourselves and others. Peace is present right here and now, in ourselves and in everything we do and see.
The question is whether or not we are in touch with it. We don't have to travel far away to enjoy the blue sky. We don't have to leave our city or even our neighborhood to enjoy the eyes of a beautiful child. Even the air we breathe can be a source of joy. We can smile, breathe, walk, and eat our meals in a way that allows us to be in touch with the abundance of happiness that is available. We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive at the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive. Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity. We need only to be awake, alive in the present moment. ...
Thich Naht Hanh:

a newport afternoon

Friday, May 16, 2008

for love's sake

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

the sun in the studio is lovely.
it does not knock when it comes in
but that is okay because it's rays rest
warmly on my shoulders.

i am happy

the letter

How are you? Are you better these days? I want you to be better. What can I do to soften these periods you call black and that you go thru some days? It happens some time that I to feel near an ethereal fragments of an ill defined sensation, so light, and sparse in my environment. Which takes me in a ludicrous craze , I feel that our spirits, Nadia, your & mine, meet somewhere in space. Twirling under the same sky for an instant, it’s intoxicating, delicate & soft because that moment excluded momentarily the realty that I like to alienate myself from, time to time. I have, sometimes, the impression of being near you, or you being near me, then we float over light & timeless shores. Where does this state comes from which I like to hang on to? Maybe the softness of your photographs builds, little by little, this universe so soft that not only enchant me but also entrance me, and I let myself then be carried, dreamy, wavering between the conscious and a sort of unconsciousness, it is almost bewitching, my thoughts float toward yours, there is no more distance, it’s strange, all this. Is it then a parallel life, in this conscious reality that it is possible for us to live.?
Take care of yourself Nadia.

i had to record this onesilentwinter- please allow me to do so.


seventeen to be exact, oh how wonderful!

Monday, May 12, 2008

The studio

Too new beginnings!

saying goodbye

I gave a lot to it and
in someways not enough. I believe that
although beautiful, it took way more than
I had to give. I feel like it brought me to my knees.
perhaps that is what was meant to happen.
I remember conversations, and laughter and pretty things.

it is bittersweet.

Friday, May 9, 2008

leaves & trees

This morning as I was on the highway
driving home I almost thought I was going
the wrong way, soon realized it was the trees
they had begun to leaf out. it is amazing to me how
quickly things can change and how dormant the winter really
is. I started to think about how soon I would seek shelter from
the sun. I also started to think about moments from my past where i
found myself sitting at the foot of a tree. I climbed trees when i was young all the time, in fact we had an apple tree in front of our house that had a perfect branch for me to perch. that was a special place where clear thoughts came to me. I wonder if I drove back to that very tree, would it still be there, would it remember me.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Love in strange places

how i long for a hand written letter...

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


the lilacs smell so sweet this morning
see more here

Monday, May 5, 2008

your path

I have never been one to follow
or take a path because it was easier?
wouldn't it be great if we each had little arrows that
pertained to us"nadia go this way and then that way"

Recently I realized that somehow I had become a follower
of some sort. I have learned a few things, some of it at very early age
that if someone wiser than you has gone down that path and said
that it is not a good one-just don't go and if someone is slowing
you down and pointing to direction that only works for them-
go find that arrow with your name.oh and nadia run!