Three of us at the garden

Meet me at the garden, for 5 minutes, it's so good to see you, your arms
and fingers, I forget them when there not around, I only love them when
I see them but when I leave I forget them.

I love you, I love you, oh but only when I am here at the secret garden , the apartment
the cemetery...but only when we are there, not when I am at home in my yard
or in the yard with martin, or with my shovel and bob...okay not when I am at my mums
or her mums, or at the grocery store..but at the doctors I do, that's something right?

but I love you when you are here in the secret garden..because when your not you blend in
but when you are here you are your own identity, I can see clearly then and I love you and your
arms specially the middle part, there ..but only.....when you are here ....

it's okay myshkin i will make sense of it.. no matter where I am...
even today at the wedding, the church with the priest up there and my husband by
my side... the priest is telling me that I am lucky to be married, and how sacred it
is and I should love full heartedly, i believe him. I hold my husbands hand and for a moment
i want it to work, I believe it will...but later, i realize how imposible that would be
because on tuesday I will see you, and remember that I love you all the time and everywhere
and that is the only thingmy heart knows fully

nothing to fear, you will see

my camera and me...

if I stay, you stay, we stay
he goes, she goes

we begin...

not afraid

my camera and me

I am going far

diving

deep into it...

Pure food

Yesterday I went to New York, I was very chatty.
I do not like it when i am chatty.

I walked the fabric district,
walked passed many bolts of fabric
had them cut a few.

I met her, you and them
we sat at rice, we sat at joe's
I drank mangoes, water, mocha's
and avocadoes.

I bought tooth paste and lip balm

i went to pure food and wine.
sitting in the courtyard I realized i
was the rawest thing there, not the
coconut, the cauliflower, the
gazpacho... maybe not pure
but definetely raw..it was me not
the jerusalem artichoke.

I can't meet you at the river they will notice me here with you

Le bateau is leaving, love
le bateau it is leaving, no not without us
mais sans toi

toxic

I have started "Oil Pulling" a practice upon waking
and before the brushing of teeth, you take a tablespoon
of organic cold pressed oil and move it around your mouth
for fifteen minutes..swishing around and around..
but It had to come to an abrupt stop, the oil now replaced
with the words "brutally self absorbed"

The practice of Oil Pulling is to remove all toxin from the body
The practice of moving the words "brutally self absorbed" is realizing
your the toxin.

a false night

I am holding him and in that
moment we are no longer in this crowd of people
I build a cave for us to swim into and that cave
is as dark as the night is in me
I am holding his hand as we move silently and
smoothly through the water.
I know what it is a matter of the
blind leading the blind. A few stones
on the wall glisten
perhaps reflecting the light that emanates
from his eyes

and we mistake them for stars.

why do you live on the fence, love

makeup

I arrive..I do not see you ...I try not to cry, but the tears fall and mix with the rain
I turn around and there you are.
I look up .....and you say "are you wearing make up..
I say yes knowing that the mascara has run down my face
You pull the folded napkin and wipe my face so gently..I start to laugh...then I kiss
you wrist as you are wiping the last traces of my makeup.

Porter

For porter a dog and a love noble and true


August 20th, 2007 the date that meant nothing until
It got here….I just need to say I miss you and I missed so much of you
I had false faith that we would have our time together I am sorry

I was wrong to believe in something that was not of the moment.


Today myshkin came over wanting me wanting to be inside of me..for the longest
Time I wanted nothing more..I wanted to say but now I am hollow dear friend
and when you enter me..you will see I am an empty
vessel.

I have used the word want four times without a full sentence
I want /

I stared at his dark eyes surrounded with even darker circles
Did he see me….trying hard to stay with him..it looked
Like he was pouring in to me….. but still.

an empty vessel...

I miss your face ..your eyes

your eyes turned shades of gray ...
soft till your last stare… you where my friend

Someone please make it stop
regret, the vision of his last stare
was he disappointed,


You never dispointed me, never.
even at the very last second
You stayed with me. for me..

It is quiet, I heard you go
down to the stairs again, is it to
dark in your basement to see me?

I am her not a lampost, you crashed into me
as you ran up your basement stairs.

I have no idea who you are

Today I feel like a carcase.. I know I will not be able to explain
why.. perhaps..instead of a carcase. I am book, a hard cover book
with all the pages removed.


re-visited

I think - Posted at 09:28 PM on September 7, 2007 by monday to friday
Did I forgot to tell love that I was human. I am now a carcase, you have picked at me, fed off me and now what I have mistaken for passion turns out to be blood that pours out of the tiny holes left by wounds from the knife you carry. I do not know you at all perhaps you are a chameleon, a spider? loving us all taking it all from us. I am now a hardcovered book with all the pages torn out. you can't rewrite this one, it is not fiction dear noble man.

Chama