Driving

For many years I have driven by this very grand church in the middle of vast farm land .
Its red doors have caught my attention over and over again.
I have said to myself atleast a dozen times " I will stop and take photographs one day" well i did
and some of them where good- It felt good to stop and do what I had said so often , I am not sure why
after all these years I chose that day , but I am glad I stopped.

at the gate

Today I found myself daydreaming
on my drive back from Montreal
thru the mountains of vermont
I was in and out of thought.

I had a dream (day) I was there
at the gate, I stood very still and
this personage came to me, he stood
in front of me and said "what do you want"
I understood the question and answered
"to take pictures and fall in love" he asked
again "what do you want" once again I said
"to take pictures and fall in love" again with out
a blink or the slightest movement he said
"what do you want" I said this time as my voice began to
crack" to take pictures and" He stopped me and covered my eyes
with his hand and said :"what do you want" I could feel the tears
fall from my eyes as I said "I want to take pictures and fall in love"
he leaned and whispered in my ear" have you not fallen my dear"
he removed his hand from my eyes and drew me near and said
"now you must learn to stay'

Snow & Montreal

the marriage of both these things
make my heart smile.

I sit at the cafe my mother on
my side she is pure sunshine...
we chat about things and exchange dreams
hers become mine and mine become hers...
to know her is the greatest gift of all...

How much does light comes to play? as I look
around me, everything is glistening...but
still warm and subtle.

Sometimes things are so perfect, moments
that you know you will remember, look back on
and wish for again....

it scares me....and excites me....
the snow fall in montreal and I am here
I am here.............

I have safely fallen to the ground

Dear Monsieur I have wanted to tell you
something for a few months now about
one of your post " into the wild" I wanted to
let you know I understood your last line
perfectly so much that until now I was
unable to share my personal
views with you....

You see I have always been silenced with pain
when viewing or witnessing people who have in every morsel
of their being lived their lives fully only for it to
be taken quickly- why is it that the ones who
live life with a wholeness and pure understanding of what living
is- have it taken away........( i think I might still have some difficulty
in expressing myself)

At a very young age my mother taught me
to see beauty in everything and along with others
she showed that messages might come quickly, but
can not fully be understood without time....

I have recently found that you might view
me as being one who swims in sadness-I
would like to tell you- never in my life has one
minute of sadness been without the company
of a moment of clarity or even happiness...

I have always believed that life was much better
bittersweet.............but I must confess that
there has been many times of pure sweetness
in my life.

CHRISTMAS NIGHT IN HARLEM - Louis Armstrong (1955)

may your days be filled as close as you can get to
peace.............

Sunday morning voices

sleep something about
it makes me stay awake

I sit here in the cafe,
and all around me i hear voices
with tidbits of stories,

voices- sounds- some
rough, some loud and hardly
any of them soft.

the woman sitting right over
there she is loud, very loud
too loud

the men behind me they are
happy, you can tell their voices
are bouncing of each other just perfectly
I also heard them say they volunteer at a hospital
in south america -perhaps it is that very thing that
makes their voices pleasant

over there a boy, 6 maybe 7
sits there quietly playing with a gadget
while his father reads the paper, for a moment you might
think poor boy- how great if they where talking
but I think looking back at times from my own childhood
you remember sitting by the side of your father or mother
quietely and that memory is just as happy
they look alike the father and the son
it makes me smile
and for a moment it is quiet enough
to hear myself type
but soon it gets loud again, yes the woman
sitting there.

this reminded me of you

it was cold today
I could feel it all around
and at my feet.

I saw hardwood floors that
reminded me of things.

Perhaps it is the sense of
familiarity I get when I walk
down the steps with coats
and hats.

I think tonight I will rest
and not think of much
somethings are what they are
unless i think of them
unless i think of them
to much

Birds as Prophet

Bird came to my window, and said "What?

You let me in there once, now what the hell?

What I wouldn't give for arms to hold you.

We are creatures of such like desire."


I said "Sorry, but I didn't mean it then.

Now I know that I am sorrier than I have ever been."


"Look at me. I have flown right through this glass unscathed."

"But bird," I cried, "that window was wide open."

Then he stared right through me in the strangest way.

Skating

The streets had now become
large skating rings, people were
walking delicately- gliding
cautiously.

Snow hardened quickly
like glass, it was shiny.

She new how to dress and how
to keep warm, she was canadian after all.

But she had dreamt the night before that
she was walking in the middle of all the snowflakes
when she spotted a lamppost that had fallen into the snow
but the light was still flickering- It made her
cry and think of quebec and the alley ways that made
her feel alive.. when she woke up she wondered how much
of all of this did she misunderstand- they were words after all
- simple enough, she had misunderstood

My Belly

it is growing, perhaps to many mangoes
or soy ice mochas or

My eyes they are widening, perhaps
I want to stare at things before holding on to them

My lips they are quivering, perhaps it is the winter
air or the sound of the piano from the trailer of Amelie

My hands are trembling, perhaps because of the snow
or knowing never again will I let you hold them

My heart it is beating hard but not fast, perhaps
because I have said goodbye for good or because
the sound of the piano from the.......

Amelie

I watched this from the quietness of my little shop
The snow was falling and people where tucked away in thier homes....
I was in heaven... watching this again...it inspires me, it excites me ...I am wakened fully by it and
dare I say giggling at what life has in store or what I have instore for it.....cher monsieur...watch it and smile

When you are inspired

I must tell you, waking up to another snow
storm.... is happiness delivered to my door step
Something Beautiful and inspiring happens inside of me.

Cher monsieur when you walk today in what sounds
to be a very large snowfall , You will be right about being the only one
to walk.... the sky and ground will be very close to one in shades
of color and texture....

Cher monsieur do you see me...for a moment pretend to see me are you
ready.....you walk and you hardly can see in front of you something is telling you
to turn back but you keep going...ahead a flickering light from a little shop
...you walk closer....and you look inside-do you see me...I am hidden behind all
the colorful pretty things....

I am sitting in the back of the shop smiling ear to ear very aware how quiet
the shop will be today, but I function well when others don't( always have)
I sit there smiling, okay you caught me I am giggling, because I am watching
Amelie the movie......I love everything about it............I look up on occasions
to see the snow fall and the stillness that surrounds my little shop- But
I am happy today, I am inspired, today I feel a rebirth of my spirit...

I realize now, that I am awake that the child in me is
ready...

promise me you will watch Amelie this week!

a snowfall

today the morning after a snowfall
i can't help but smile

I often say that I am wool
but perhaps it is snow, yes
i think it just might be snow

Proteus

PROTEUS
Proteus
Proteus
ProtEus
PROteuS

Lundi

Il pleut beaucoup, la
temperature est froide,
la pluie est comme un verre
d'eau glace quand tu as besion
un verre de the... allo monsieur...

receiving your e-mail today put a smile
on my face.......although I must tell you
today has been good day and dare I say..i have
received a bit of my life back...

yes I agree about Christmas, i do not like what is
in people's hearts-frightening,
I have this feeling certain lucky ones are
making changes...

I also look forward in the New Years arrival, but dear friend
I must tell you- something has happened recently that has made
appreciate some of the stillness....you see the last year and a half
days flew by-I wish them by..........and now I want to savour everyone,
every single one- even the ones that can be a bit painful, i will thread
carefully.....

Oh dear friend, I am glad you have written, perhaps that alone is Christmas..
You asked how do I spend Noel- I spend it like I have always spent it
hoping that in all corners of the world- people find moments of peace and reflection
and even just maybe somebody will be smiling back at you...

a bientot.

Sunday

The things that brake us

okay enough, enough of that

now a big breath- a very big breath

and I begin......

Today the the eggs went into one basket
just one- my career- It is what I do good
it is what I worked hard for, it's what took
second place to a basket full of holes

The shop re-opened today and it was good for me
and good to me

I booked a flight- on what I now will call the darkest
day- if I was writing a Russian novel that chapter would have
be called blood pudding and it would only have one line.

life begins..it has too...........but just for a little longer my hands
will be on my ears and I will be saying lalalalalalallallal till every
ugly thing said is erased or better yet forgotten.....

I would like to say so many things- how you and what
and why and who where you talking to? but that is forgiveness
or forgetfulness and something I was told I do not posses....

thank goodness then, right?

Monday's frosted heart

i am not used to the anger
that I have been experiencing
lately. I choose not to hold on to it
because it ends up holding on to you.

i am lucky for monday's, lucky for
rain and frost.

ready for a simpler time, ready
for creative outlets ready for
kindness and growth.

ready to let things go...ready
to believe in good people
ready to be a good person