About Me

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i moved where my heart had drifted off to long before. i live on a hill of hundred acres, where my dreams have merged with the view. it is quiet from machine noises yet loud with sounds of horses, dogs, cats chickens and ducks. nature is the true artist in resident and i am just her apprentice who often gets lost in her gaze. once and a while i travel back to cities and foreign places to put into photographs what i have learned, yet always, part of my heart is left on the hill..

Sunday, September 30, 2007

quand le coeur est delicat

ce soir je trouve
que mes yeux, mes
jambes, mes bras
me demande d'arrêté
juste pour un petit peu

et la vérité mon coeur est fatigué

Saturday, September 29, 2007

did i tell you

did I tell you
he waltzed me
around the room,
said my name without
shame, introduced me
to him and her

he is not even a good man
but he did these things

did i tell you someone posted
something I wrote on there blog
for all to see, did i tell you

this man is a good
but he has never met me

did i tell you sometimes I feel

did I tell you have hidden me well,love

Friday, September 28, 2007

Cesária Évora / Cesaria Evora - Sodade (live)

WhenI heard this song in Volver..I remember the feeling I had, I knew I was alive, because my heart hurt .

Thursday, September 27, 2007

when we loose color

I created this post earlier.
I had trouble puting my feelings
into words so I held on to it in my
draft folder.

It was going to start with

I am pale.....when color fades from....

but this afternoon something happened

and I experienced the title of this post

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Blowing glass

Today in a secret place he asked how would we be

my answer

grand, we would be grand

Monday, September 24, 2007

L'air du temps

un rêve tout simple

un ciel gris et moi un oiseau blanc
je cherche un arbre sans feuilles, un arbre
non vivant mais pas mort. Je traverse
des frontières rouges, mais comme toujours
c'est contre le ciel gris que les plumes blanches
de mes ailes tombent comme des flocons de neige

Sunday, September 23, 2007


the last few days I have been thinking about
what I know for sure and what I know
nothing about, once again I might not be
able to explain to you what exactly I mean.
Truth, I am not even sure who YOU and you and
u are, is it me? or did I give life to "onesilentwinter"
have I desperately wished to whisper in your ear
when it was not possible to do and instead created
this place and in turn created the us that has not been?

well perhaps if I list what I know

it is sunday evening
I am wearing a white shirt
there is a white vase on my table with flowers from my garden
there is music playing, some of it makes me sad and some of it, is simply you
there is a ceiling fan that has been on since the first warm summer day
a faint taste of mango remains on my lips
my dog lies at my feet his eyes shut tight
and I have a desire to start a fire in the outside fireplace, but i know i won't, not tonight

here is what I don't know

when you are going to call me home, love

and why my dog just got up.....

just one week

The summer and the warmth it brings
have lingered into September...
I notice how this makes
people happy and I am glad.

but for me, I humbly wish for
snow on this Autumn day. I must
confess, I am partial to the cooler months
and it is only on those days do I truly
understand the power of the sun...

just a week of bare trees to let the sun
in.....just a week of white snow to
reflect upon.....just a little chill in my bones so
that I have a just reason to bask in the warmth of your

Thursday, September 20, 2007


I am starting to wonder if in life there is
a true black and white moment.
Opposites of each other, creating contrasts.
can we really see one without the other..or when looking
hard enough, digging deep enough, does it all become
a shade of gray....

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


one day soon I will fly away
and see things a different way....

my love, it is coming to an end.....

Monday, September 17, 2007

a summer's end

I must put them away now,
the white shirt I wore at the farm,
a white linen dress from the galery,
all the white cotton shirts from the garden
a white eyelet I wore on your birthday
an eyelet dress I wore for the birds and the butterflies..

I must put them away, just like the hopes I had of you and I...

a day drive threw the country, a nap on the grass at the farm,
a swim at the lake, a midnight dance under the starts and
the outdoor film, I waited for you?

I must pack all those away now....
and say goodbye white linen dress and camisole till next summer

but no summer memories for you and I ..
I must put those away for good...

Sunday, September 16, 2007

the story he is telling

I am wondering, what story is being told
who is writing it? is it you "my love"
it is sad the story you are writing. In the
beginning of the book we recognized her
happiness, her strength and her love for you..
why did you change her......why did you ...

She was your heroine, your lady,
"your one true love"

Saturday, September 15, 2007

l'oiseau et le ciel rouge

I wonder about freedom
and the cost

I wonder is it
still called freedom
when there is no place
safe enough to call home

Falling flowers

I found myself crying
it was unexpected
all of a sudden I was lost

I knew that I had reached
exhaustion..that would put me
at risk ....To much, i decided not to speak.
I knew how bad it was when he brought
out a blanket and pulled the chaise next
to the fire, in complete daylight..
he said that I needed to sleep and tucked
the pillow behind my head, I tried fighting it
but he continued wrapping
me . I could feel the sun and
the fire the warmth reminded
me of what was possible.
Then he leaned and said "sleep"

and I slept in the afternoon, yes
the afternoon.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

I just discovered this song, It makes me happy
have a listen...

Maria Taylor - A Good Start

A million I love you's

I have heard it said and written many times now

but today, you said I love you and I knew

there it was

the one that would forever
play in my minds memory,

today you whispered it

directly into my soul, my core

a river my love , a river

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Maybe if i showed him the mountain

he would believe in the possibilties

The day dreams he shared with her, she
would find the roads that led to them.

if she showed him the mountain, he could
visualize , better yet feel her hand in his.
she would lay at the base of the mountain
so he could explore all her crevasses

She would show him the mountain, but they
would not jump off it, but instead together
they would learn to climb it.....

a lilttle rain on sunday morning

It was beautiful and strong, still tired i began to believe that the rain was only falling in my backyard. I sat there watching it. I lingered a little this morning, grateful for the silence that surrounded me. I got dressed and made my way to the cafe, i had not been there in a while and I was proud of that fact. Driving I realized how tired i was, i think I even said out-loud in quiet voice "i am tired love, perhaps defeated even" arriving at the cafe was like entering a country which population is a billion and you have just come from a town that has a sign that says population 323. I immediately bumped into her and she talked, and talked and she talked some more, I reminded her that her husband was in the car and it was hot out, I was grateful for the husband in the car and the sun. My table open, odd considering all the people, I sat, sipped and scored the new york times, it was fat and full of art happenings. Every museum, gallery, theater announcing the upcoming seasons, I promised myself that things would be different this fall and winter and that I would drive up to the city when ever I could. Two people I had not seen in long time showed up, I surprised myself and them I think by saying "the family is all here" I think I meant it. He chatted about his trip and work while he chatted about must see movies. we talked about my upcoming trip and they expressed there worries, although it was nice to have someone lookout for me I wanted to say to them, but I am all alone here. we talked a little more and decided to see a movie that evening, i had never hang out with them outside the cafe, but glad that we where going to give it a go.


I never really liked them, even as a child but fridays were good and wednesdays even better.

Oxygen and Blood

Today, I must tell you I came very close to giving it all up with the hope of finding clarity, when a thought came to me. This thought stood right in front of me and refused to leave till I promised to understand it and follow it. I could tell for a few days now that something was going to let go, crash or simply break and it did today. It is the kind of break that releases pressure and confusion and allows you to finally take that along awaited breath............. I am excited, nervous and yet I feel calm........ Upon returning home, for a tiny moment of relaxation i found this e-mail from someone I have never met, yet he has strangely given me the peace and kindness i had forgotten was possible. I hope he doesn't mind me sharing it..because for now this letter is the tree i rest under

(no matter what I write or say not one single moment is not for you,love...it is only that you will never comprehend the turmoil and pain I often find myself in and how quickly I go from a happiness I have never known to a pain i desperately wish would cease to exist...I know you will judge me and when doing so you will feel some relief..but I will say this I hope that you never turn your judgement towards yourself it would rip you my love ...I know you must be thinking why am I saying this here in this somewhat anonymous way ..it is simply where I found the courage

I will call him kindman......... to me Aug 31 Mrs.

First, I would like to say to you that my english is very bad. I am Quebecer (before to be Canadian, because my language and my culture are differents of the rest of the country). So, as you saw it on my blog Le cahier des saisons, my name is .............., I live in Québec city, I speak french, I write in french, I live in french every day. For it, I hope you are going to excuse that bad expression about what I mean. I am writing to you, you that I do not know, to say thank you very, very much to visited my blog (you know, in french we can write «blogue») Le cahier des saisons. I was very happy to read your so nice words about what I have written. I read two or three times your little comment. A comment looking like a quiet and small flower. You are gentle. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. But (because there is a «but») I was very surprised that you could read my texts! Here is the question: you understand french? You can read in french? Maybe you can understand french but you are unable to write it? However, you wrote a few words in my language. And I understood it! It is amazing and great! I have a few things to say to you. First, is it possible that I know your name? If not, forget it. I just do not want to disturb you, of course. Secondly, I want to tell you that I also visited your blog onesilentwinter . Very, very vice «place of your own». I liked the artistic atmosphere you built, a blend of so delicious words and photos full of sense based on a kind of freedom. Your blog is inviting. It seems I walk in the border of the reality, and I do love it. Very nice blog. Finally, I noted we have a some similar preferences (really, I apologize for my bad way to express what I want to say to you) as arts, literature, Tolstoï (or Tolstoy in english), classical music (but I like Diana Krall too), Camille Claudel (did you see the french movie called Camille Claudel?) and maybe other things, I do not know. Have a nice day. Again, thank you. Bye.

everything I know is no longer than a grain of rice

I think I have options, choices but tonight they seems to hide, disappear from my hearts vision. The brain part of my head has decided to take control or at least make an attempt too. I know what it is telling me to do, how I wish I could fight it. I suddenly have an understanding; there is walls you can break thru and some you just can't. we just can't . all i seem able to do right now is stare at the little red lights that illuminate my existence.

I wonder will the only warmth I feel this fall come from that very light.