sometimes for a moment i dream of
simple things like an afternoon tea.

direction

today i got lost- so i stopped and asked
for directions- the man told me how to find what i am looking for
but what i found written on his shirt
no hair
no beard
no soul

was a direction i could have used long before now.

when you take a step

this weekend i did something i said i would
never do again, in fact it was thirteen years ago since
i last did it, to the day- that is odd (i just realized that fact)

it amazing what you learn about yourself, what you except
what you let go of and what you are grateful for.

wayland square

not a parking spot in sight
woman with shopping bags, jewelry and tiny
stuffed toys- nope wait, there dogs. are walking all about
oh i see, it is a side walk sale, over priced hand bags
become pricey ones, where have these lamppost come from
do they ever leave their houses for a casual stroll, or an ice cream cone?

OH but wait! i spoke too soon,
"books on the square" is having a sale
i am there!

three summers ago on this day

I wish I got this email before. I would've written something.

I'm glad you liked Breathless. My favorite scene is when the woman calls the police on him and refuses to run.

I like all the ambiguity of the ending - how the gun is thrown into his hands, how he runs while shot, how he falls and blows out that last plume of smoke - and how he says one thing to the woman but they hear something completely different - and i like how she looks into the camera and does that Bogart thing with her lips -

I thought there was a sweetness and a comedy to their relationship that reminded me of you

the style of the movie reminded me of you -

i will definitely check out that film you recommended me - about rodin's muse -

it's funny nadia, because i was thinking that you are my muse -

you've already infiltrated this long story i'm working on

and i want to thank you for that

anyway, i know you won't get this til you get back - but i wrote anyway

happiness begins when
you believe in it

things that are making me happy

the yellow squash i picked from the garden
the very large butterfly that flew into my car and decided to stay
to see my feet back to normal
the guava juice i found in the refrigerator, thank you stranger
the hummus and pita bread i snacked on
liking the shape my mouth makes as i feel a smile come on
not feeling nervous of the potential homelessness

sometimes if i look hard enough
i can see a future glimpse of myself,
nothing extraordinary, but nothing ordinary.

walking back home

It took a week or so, but somehow
i shed all those things that had been
cluttering my mind, my heart.....

everything is new, well at least clean, perhaps
even pure, ironically the shoes i wore on this
stroll had the word pure written on it's sole

i believe this has left my soul pure...

she never sleeps at night and in the morning she sleeps alone
when she eats watermelon she imagines she is sharing it with many people
when she hears music her feet move and her hips begin to sway
when she reads a book she feels as if she is reading it to you.....

when they ask her if she is happy

she says I am an extra terrestrial and smiles.

when we leave our garden

tears fall, memories play like a silent movie
and the wind becomes a violin.

seeing clearly

is something that comes and goes, and
comes again...........and goes.......and

talk to her

a conversation

setting friday at midnight on cresent street in Montreal

She to herself " these people are gorgeous and stylish, do I still look like them
or have i lost the montreal thing, can they see that I live in us?

he interrupts her thoughts " is everything okay"

she " yes and you"

he " this place is crazy, wow"

she " yes. but alive-it must be graduation or something?"

He looks around- there is so many pretty woman to stare at, his eyes are wide open
(cresent street is the see and be seen place-glam-money- sexy)

He " are you okay"

she " yes, it just that I think i lost that .....you know"

he " lost what"

she "nothing love"

after a few hours of walking around- they are now in the car again

he "I am glad we stopped"

she " me too, i think i lost it- i am ordinary now, they are hot"

( i never think that way, never did- but somehow my self esteem took a dive when
someone close- well maybe not so close showered me with compliments more he said I was beautiful
more my self esteem fell- i realized they were words that meant nothing to me because it wasn't important who said it but how I felt, but someone told him that's how to get the girl- and it was as if i was no longer beautiful unless he said i was-)-it makes sense in my head( p.s.. this is a different person than the he i am having a conversation with.

he " we will never be what we were , we are older now they are young
and , i saw alot of legs tonight nadia, alot- but I only saw one face.

shall we run away

thank you for the letter Monsieur

it would be nice to stare at the sky

by your side, to hear your voice for

the very first time again...but i am

afraid that I am better with my head in the clouds

then  with my feet on the ground!

Rain for week? did it look like this cher ami.

one year ago

 Telemachus

something about always have been

I am

and always will be

I wish I could climb a tree right now, run thru the fields
and play hide and seek. eat berries right off the bush and
swim in the lake.

delicate as if it was made of paper

she moves

i miss Jacob & Porter my companions
their is a lot of regret and I believe karma came into play
i am not sure why I write this.

I fell asleep and dreamt about jacob.........and realized
I am having trouble letting go.

knowing I let them down.

when the rain turns you upside down

today i let the rain fall, at first i rushed around trying to run from
it, then, i slowed down lingered then eventually stopped. My shirt, shoes,
jeans and hair soaked......but the sun shinning- i knew the last two days i spent apologizing
owning my mistakes where behind me..........

can i just say how wonderful it felt playing in the rain..........it felt great!

she continues

a minute after i posted the post below - hail balls
started falling from the sky and the sun is shining!
okay maybe it is trying to tell me something!

I am like a kid in the rain for sure!!!!

thunder, lightning and heavy rains I used to think
they where ment just for me- that nature was telling me not
too ignore the path it wanted me too take...

Yesterday I watched the sky light up and felt the rumbling
that came before the rain- it had nothing to say to me specifically
and I liked it.

a stroll among the blooms

part of this stroll

when love takes flight

My biggest fear is that I will do less than 

I am capable of

delicate she fades

she looks around, it is all very different, nothing left to hold unto.
if she is to touch it, it would end quickly.........so she looks at it like it
was a lesson prepared for her, but she refuses to look deeply because she believes
it would lose all meaning.

Last night I found myself taking a drive to the ocean, after a meal
with a friend we decided to walk. I felt my bare feet on the sand
and the waves crashing at my feet, I felt my heart lighten and a
smile come to my face. I was happy, i knew it, i recognized it in fact
I even giggled and twirled. The water was so crisp and perfect.......I knew I wanted
to do this again and again. I knew that I had shed a non-essential, because my happiness
felt way beyond skin deep.


*the picture above is from my trip in St.croix- i did not have my camera on hand last night
there was not a cloud in the sky last night- just stars plenty of start

Besides the noble act of getting things done,

there is the noble art of leaving things undone.

The wisdom of life consists in the 

elimination of non- essentials.

Lin Yutang.

they live in the garden

see more here

tiny little happenings

Monday

see more images here

I crave oranges
i never buy oranges
why i wonder?
cause i surely wish i did
i went to the market this evening
and bought two things of blueberries
two things of raspberries(i hear they have some odd side affects)
but no oranges

when the clouds come to your window

it is impossible to eat just a few raspberries

the rain

something special happens to the apartment in the rain
the amount of light, the quietness calms me. I don't want to leave it
not today. I look thru the windows into the garden it is greener
than i have seen it..but inside, it is as if today the rain has paid me a visit,
as if today it has made me feel at home.

jeune roi

detail homme

en hiver

I am in love with this work by artist Alexandre Day

Breathing

You go to take a breath and you notice something different
you walk around not knowing what that difference is......
and then it comes to you- your breath does not get cut
off from a pain in your heart....

I know what the worst case scenario might be
and it is okay.