pretty good..

in a moment just one pure clear moment, that only last a second or two you say to yourself " it is okay, the pain, the misdiagnosis,the un worthy friend, the aches, the fragile heart, the lake made by my own tears...

you say it's okay- because what i have now is pretty good....okay in fact.

then there is sophie, and a new home with gorgeous spiral staircase, there is the smell of fresh paint, and weeds to pull, there is dinner last night when your hand took mine and i knew it will always be okay-just cloudy some days...

fresh air

i miss you and i miss our hikes
i miss the sound of your voice and
the crips moutain top....

Porter
i miss you everyday
you were loving and sweet and kind
your eyes full of warmth
thank you for being by my side
dear companion.
( i'm sorry i could not give more life)

by chance

i wish i could walk towards the light till i bumped into ghandi, tolstoy, mozart, einstein, mother Teresa, mr. king....or my grandmother just have a few questions.... or maybe i am in need of answers to ones i have already asked
no just your presence would do..just by the of chance you dropped your handkerchief, a strand of beads, or you would like to work on the speed of light formula, or maybe you would like to play me a symphony that your working on, or you might want me to read the new novel you just finished....or maybe we can bake together while you talk about egypt.....or maybe you can tell me how to get people to elect hope , just maybe by chance
we can meet?

a foot in the dirt

i took so many things for granted, while chasing dreams that were made from to many russian novels. Then i saw you standing in the garden with your feet in the dirt, was this the first time? did you ever walk without shoes on your feet on the grass before? my head started spinning- i realised i had so much to learn that fifteen years was not enough, special when many of them had me running in the wrong direction. I spent a whole time wondering why you did'not learn me, never once asking why i had not studied your feet.

the train and a husband

it was odd for me to pick him up there, but there is something beautiful
about industrial spaces that make it hard for me to ignore.....I feel very feminine in
such spaces like these.

clouds

you asked me yesterday about my likes and dislikes

i like clouds.

happy birthday dylan

sometimes when everything is going okay, i get nervous
that i am not going be in the moment.

truth is just now i was thinking,

I want my heart to skip a beat or two
i want ot giggle when i am nervous and cry when i am happy
i want to lay my back on the moss in the forest and i want to feel dizzy
with revelation.

how much is that dog in the window.......

i took this picture the other day because i loved the window
but for some reason it is making smile and wanting to sing a familiar tune!

i like the rain very much
i like how it breaks the quietness as it falls
each sound different as i go from room to room

learning to see through things

more here

no water after midnight

there is so much i want to write about
like my weekend on the lake, my new house......

but all i can think about is sophie and how i want her to be
alright today, how i want her surgery to be over and how
i want her to to be healthy.

i am also thinking of the surgery itself and how did we come about
decided that dogs shouldn't mate. How come of all animals(exception i guess would be cats)
have that choice. aren't dogs from a pack and don't pack animals mate for life.
I have so many questions rolling about in my head and it makes my heart hurt.

Sophie I deeply sorry, for choosing this for you without asking.....