the river

it took along time to get back to it. before we had even turned the ignition on in providence i was already on the kenebec. as we traveled down the turnpikes and the kids giggled in the back i knew that i was drifting. I had waited, wanted it, for far too long now. the scene played in front of me during bad days like a carrot and now i knew i would catch up to it.

we pulled in and i could barely wait for the car to stop, i was out. i hardly noticed the darkness. i pulled the tent out of it's bag and set it up at records pace, i heard nothing saw no one thought of nothing except what i came here to do. before i knew it i started to take off my clothes and as they fell onto the rocks, the kids and my husband stood in amazement "what are you doing" i heard someone say but i could not even take a moment to answer. i walked towards the moonlit river walked without hesitating till i was completely emerged, it was cold just as i imagined it. just how i needed it to be..