hardly at all.

do i think about it. i think about it.
a little. just a little. only sometimes. very little.

most of the time i just remember that somehow i could see
myself in away i had never before. my smile i think about my smile. smiling.
i could feel it deep within my cheeks sent from my heart to my lips.
but like i said, very little. hardly at all. sometimes i think about the rain and thunderstorms. most of time i remember the pain. so much of it that if my job was to shovel it i still be digging out of the dirt. wait i am. like i said just a little. very little.

i remember i though i was pretty. but just a little, hardly at all. i remember the happier i was the paler i became. thinner. but only sometimes. i remember the conversion machine that existed within me. you said pretty things and i converted them to what they really were. little. only all the time well except when the machine started to slow down, then i held on to those words that meant very little. then they became big. BIG and BLINDING. but it all meant very little. so you see hardly at all. never really. only sometimes.