the window

every morning after staying still i turn my body towards the window across the loft. my cheek layes on the pillow as i stare through it. it frames the tree perfectly and the sun loves it. i get lost in it, i am not sure how much time i spend there each morning but i know it makes me happy to begin my day this way. soon it will bud, then leaves will follow, will it block the light, will i see through it. will i be here long enough..

it does not matter, right now i just don't want to close my eyes or move in anyway...

happiness arrived

in the form of the wind it whispered in my ear
" i have plans for you" i said yes, please. i sat at the steps
and listened to it all night tell me of my great adventure to
come. excited i immediately started packing for it afraid it would change it's
mind..i had ingnored it once before and the price was great.

now i stand in the middle of a place i will not return to, i am happy, no i am alive,
i am ready.

the rain

this place is so different. i lay so close to the window i could hear the rain clearly it feels like i should be getting wet. i listen to it some more and i am jealous of it. the rain has such freedom, it travels all around, it's journey never ends.

i told him i think i have accidentally erased myself, he says i am mistaken i am shedding layers, i say i don't like it, he asks why and all i want to say- no shout is stop it, please stop it. he looks at me and i ask him if he is bored of all of this, he says no and asks why i say such things i answer i am bored of it, of me. i tell him i have nothing to give. he says you are getting used to this that is all and i now tell him enough, enough.

my hand is on the window now, the rain taunting me, i want to touch it put my hand through this glass because opening it will take too long

sing

he walked down the staircase and asked her what she was doing up she said that she had dreamt of a song and that she was trying to sing it. "can i listen" he asked she said that she was still trying to piece it together. trying she said " i heard it before"she said" yes you said you heard it in your dream" no before that she responded as she ran to her note book " yes here it is, it is from
the documentary man on a wire"

"..her large green eyes embraced me ..and when we held each other it was as if we were children planning our next bout of mischievous..."

why do you look so sad " it is silly i know but i always thought that one day i would wake up and have the ability to sing" you make others want to sing he said, they both started laughing as he held her hand and walked her up the stairs as they tucked each other in he whispered in her ear" your large green eyes embrace me"

what i learned in bed

my eyes open and i look around trying to stay still so that i can have a few minutes for myself. somehow overnight my bed has doubled in size, yet the 100 pound white beast has no idea since my legs are pinned underneath her. the air in the room is different, the sun trying to push the blinds open. i start to think about last night and how i tried to get out of going to the play till k. held my hands and said " but honey you love the theater" he is right. i sat there listening to lines like " my life is in you" and " life is not printed on a dollar bill" i cried at the theater, the play moving. i felt alive. i look around the room again trying slowly to stretch without stirring the dogs. I think about the changes, the deep shedding that has taken place these last few weeks. I think about how i was afraid to stop loving k. and now i know that is impossible but fear that he will one-day stop loving me. the dogs notice me and come close to me my face gets licked by grace and sophie rest her body so close to mine. now i think about how i was afraid that my world had become to small always fighting to have no boundaries but somehow the last few months i made it small, so small that i had padded the walls so that nothing could hurt me, betray me, lie or make false promises to the point where i had walked away from everything i loved and that loved me except k and the girls. the last week i knew that i was starting to remove the padding and maybe put a few windows...this morning i felt the air touch the exposed skin.

had a little to much

IT IS MURDER mrs Palin what you call
hunting. Killing wolves with arial planes, letting them run to pure exhaustion then you gun them down?
a stipend reward for each pair of wolf paws- in the rest of the world mrs palin will call that poaching! and who pays for that the government.. what?

"i don't eat veal" well do you eat beef hotdogs because that is a small calf sold and slaughtered and two days old for fifty dollars are less.

cheese and other dairy products are not so cruel.. really? cows can not even go to the bathroom in peace they get an electric shock so they step backwards and poo in a specific place..

i was listening to i guess the view on the radio.. could not breath at how cruel the world can be who are these women do they really represent all the woman out there

there is ethical ways to do things get informed.

and what about the water bottle- really please let's try harder!

lying in the snow

i could feel the cold through the glass as i sit at the cafe
and type. I am all over the place trying to find inspiration.
there is plenty out there, but i am a little lost as of late.

sometimes i am afraid that feeling so much made me loose the ability
to feel.

perhaps if i layed in the snow out there, the cold and wet of it might wake some of my senses, then perhaps the people that would stare out the window and point at me would trigger humalation or maybe i would just think to myself yup thats me lying in the snow like a seven year old. whispers of what is she doing, is she okay.. would be heard. as i would stand and walk back to the table where my laptop rest and mocha awaits, i would stare and no one..and simply proceed as usually. just thinking of it makes me feel free and different.

i need the winter and the snow to stay for a while longer...

stay a while longer