goodbye and hello

i wanted to write a post about what last year meant for me but it find the task challenging, daunting, overwhelming. i know the happy things with such clarity but everything else is a mix of complicated feelings, you see i spent most of last year treading water, holding my breath whether it was fearing that the animals would get sick or that my marriage would end. I lost many things last year once again but i also lost thing things i need too.

all i know is this year has to be bigger because i will work to make it that way. i do not want to be bigger  though:) i spoke of wanting to be a mama and maybe that will come true but first i have to understand what kind of wife i am and what kind of husband he is and if he still loves me, it easy to say i love you once you said a million times what is hard d to say is i no longer do but this hoping i will hear it a million times more before my heart stops beating. so now i take a deep breath and start to formulate a plan, i will begin to sculpt my mind and body take deep breaths, rest my back against something and live a good life.